Aliens, Friends and Agents that are Lost Oh My!
by RommieAndBeka
Summary: Fate works in mysterious ways. Or it's just screwing with them, which isn't really funny. Lost, NCIS, Friends, Farscape, Andromeda.
1. Chapter 1

Aliens, Friends and Agents (that are Lost) Oh My!

By: Rommie and Beka

Disclaimer: We…don't own this stuff. Really, we don't.

Summary: Fate works in mysterious ways. Or else it's just trying to screw with them because this really isn't funny. Lost, NCIS, Farscape, Andromeda, Friends.

Rommie: Yeah, you might want to know at least three of the shows that we have here so you have a small chance at understanding…they are Lost, NCIS, Farscape, Andromeda, and Friends. And if you're head explodes because you read this, we won't be held medically or financially responsible.

Chapter 1

Scandal

Sawyer was running through the thick tropical trees on the island he had been stranded on for about 5 weeks now, dodging stray logs and bushes in his path. His heart was racing, and not entirely because he was running. He was terrified of…what? What had it been that he'd been running from? He couldn't remember. He halted to a quick stop, spraying the fine, dark forest floor in every direction. He bent over and put his hands on his shins and tried to catch his breath, then stood up straight and ran a dirt-stained hand through his equally dirty hair, noticing a small cut on his head. He grimaced and looked at the blood on his fingertips. He decided that it would probably be a smart idea to get back to the beach at that point. But had he been running away from the beach or towards it? He groaned and squinted in either direction, but they both looked like the same path of trees, bushes, logs, rocks, and more trees. And he wasn't about to call for help; he wouldn't give the good doctor the satisfaction of saving him. He found a tree stump to sit on and pulled the miniature flashlight out of his pocket. The only way to get back was to see where the sun set; that was where his camp was. But it was only the afternoon, and he didn't want to twiddle his thumbs and wait for the god damned sun to go down. He tossed the flashlight aside and let out the large breath of air that had stored up in his lungs. It was quiet for a few minutes, and then a spine-tingling growl seemed to rattle the trees around him. Sawyer suddenly remembered what he was running from. He took in a deep breath and tightly closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes again, he was looking up at the dark green tarp that was the roof of his shelter from on his back. He frowned at it. It took him a moment to process where he was and that what he had just been through was completely his unconsciousness. He could feel his heart throbbing roughly against his ribcage; it thought it had been real too. He began to sit up when a sort of squeak startled him and caused him to fall back to his pillow.

"What the hell?" his voice cracked in his throat. He turned his torso to check what the hell it was. There was another squeak, but now it sounded more like some sort of kitten/cat type. Sawyer felt a small furry thing by his bare stomach and looked down to see…well…what the hell it was. "Whoa…" he lay back quickly at the sight of the little brown and black tabby kitten laying there, looking up at him with big apprehensive eyes. It protested again at the sudden movement. "Umm…" He stared back at the kitten for a moment or two, not really thinking anything aside from, 'what the hell!' and then decided to stand up abruptly and walk out of his shelter, causing the kitten to whine pathetically.

Sawyer walked right into Jack, who was standing two feet from his shelter.

"Good morning…" Jack eyed him suspiciously.

"Err…mornin'…" he half glared at the spinal surgeon.

Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Do you have a particular reason for standing right next to my sleeping arrangements, Doc?" Sawyer demanded gruffly.

Jack blinked at him. "Do you need help with something?"

"What the hell makes you think that even if I needed help with anythin', I'd want it from you?"

"You called me. Several times." He pointed to where he'd been sleeping that night. "You woke Charlie up who woke me up."

Sawyer nodded slowly, "Right. Sounds like Charlie's been doin' a bit of Colombia's finest!" He started shaking with laughter.

"You did, I heard you."

"Ok, Doc." He turned and pulled his black button up shirt out from under the kitten, who squealed.

"What was that?" Jack asked peering over Sawyer's shoulder.

"A figment!" he stomped off down the beach, leaving Jack shaking his head at his back. The sun was almost over the horizon, creating a long line of bright yellow diamonds dancing on the water in front of it. Sawyer didn't know where he was going, but as long as it was far away from Dr. Jack, it was a good and happy place.

He could see Hurley coming down the surf with his large headphones on. When they crossed paths, he stopped and pulled them down to his neck. "Sawyer?" he asked, as Sawyer kept on walking.

"What?" he said over shoulder.

"Did I hear you calling Jack this morning?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

XXX

Beka: Over the last week, I've successfully gotten Rommie completely and violently obsessed with NCIS. Just… for the record.

XXX

Plainride!

XXX

"It's not a big case, really, so if you think about it, I mean, we should be fine," Probationary Agent Tim McGee attempted to rationalize as he leaned against the lab counter. Forensics specialist Abby Sciuto rolled her heavily made-up eyes in his direction.

"McGee, give it up. We're so violently screwed it's not even funny."

"It's also all Gibbs' fault," Officer Ziva David added, absently flipping through the casefile.

"Hey!" Abby spun on her. "It's not Gibbs' fault that he and Ducky got called away to that super-secret meeting in Chicago that us mere mortals aren't privy to details of."

"Tony's just gonna love this," McGee muttered. "He's just spent five days on vacation in Hawaii, and now we fly out there and get to inform him that he gets extra days on the island because an American navy lieutenant was murdered out there, and even better, Gibbs can't come so he gets command of the team."

Ziva cringed. "Tony in command of anything is a disturbing thought."

Abby stuck out her tongue. "I'm sure Tony'll be fine."

Ziva and McGee exchanged looks, which Abby took to mean 'yeah, right'. She rolled her eyes, and glanced over their heads to see Gibbs standing just outside her lab.

Wait, she signed at him hurriedly, a plan forming in her head. She turned back to McGee.

"Okay, so maybe this is Gibbs fault. It's gonna suck for you, McGee, being stuck with Tony in charge of you with no Gibbs to play referee. And Ziva," she turned to the other woman, "Tony's probably gonna make a shitload of rude comments and try to get you to sleep with him."

"I hate Gibbs!" moaned McGee, just as the lab doors slid open and Gibbs entered.

"That so, McGee?" the older man asked from right behind the younger agent. McGee jumped a foot in the air, and Abby was sure he almost wet his pants.

"Boss!" he exclaimed, obviously panicked.

Ziva was in silent hysterics over in the corner, while Abby cackled manically at her computer.

"Don't you people have a plain to catch!" Gibbs demanded.

Abby pouted. "Gibbs! I'm not going to be of any use… They can just send me back the samples… I won't have all my lab equipment out there—"

"Abby," he said warningly, and she fell silent, glaring at him when he wasn't looking.

"Call me if anything comes up," Gibbs said briskly.

"Like Tony's ever so tragic and completely accidental torturous death?" Ziva suggested. McGee snickered, Abby glared.

"I trust you can all work together with some semblance of professionalism," Gibbs said calmly, giving them all pointed glances.

"Uh huh!" Abby chirped. "We'll dress _Tony_ up as Career Girl Barbie."

"He'd ask that you include the breasts," Ziva said flatly, which sent Abby and McGee into fresh peals of laughter.

"I'm sure he'd look stunning in pink high heals," Abby giggled.

"And a sparkly dress!" McGee added.

"And the handbag," Ziva added helpfully.

"Oh God, we need to do that on my laptop on the plain ride!" Abby gasped, convulsing with laughter.

"The plain which you're all going to miss if you don't hurry up," Gibbs snapped. "I assume you've all packed your animal crackers and juice boxes? Remember, nap time is at 14:00…"

"That's two o'clock," Abby said. "Just in case…you guys didn't know."

"I know," McGee said, as if defending his honor.

"Leave, please," Gibbs exclaimed. Abby scooped up her personal bag, her laptop case and her forensics kit, and pretended to stagger under the load.

"McGeeeeeee…help with my bags, please?" she whined, smiling innocently at him.

"OH, sure, Abby," he took her suitcase, adding it to his own burdens, and almost fell over.

"Oh, come on, use those manly muscles," Abby smirked.

"Let McGee bask in his femininity," Ziva grinned wickedly.

"I'm not—"

"Of course you're not, sweety," Abby said, patting his head. She bounced over to Gibbs, gave him a quick hug and ran out of the lab. Ziva strolled after her, leaving McGee to stagger along in their wake. Abby bounded down the corridor to the elevators, wiaitng for the others to catch up before entering.

"Do you think we have time to stop at Starbucks on the way?" she asked hopefully, bouncing in place.

"God no," McGee said, at the same time as Ziva said

"Absolutely not."

Abby sighed. "I was just asking…"


End file.
